the future?

Ah, the power of chocolate. I always go into the chocolate unit with such hope, determination and joy that this- pastry- is such a zen thing for me. I slowly stir the chocolate, tempering it for the first two or so times with such determination, allowing its mellow and comforting fragrance to soothe me. Then I do the "test" and it's either too hot, too cold or has fat bloom or something. Then the smell starts to annoy me, the chocolate gets messy, or I just want to burn it so I can go home.
Then I question what the hell I'm doing. Pastry was always a means to an end that was maybe not so clear. I had a vague notion that I wanted to go to school for nutrition, work as little as possible so that I might wander the earth taking photographs. (why don't I do that? oh yeah, that is hard to be paid for, right?/) I wanted a door that might swing open, love food (especially pastries) then I had this sudden and swift change where I could not even bring myself to think about this vague notion of fabrication. Of cutting open a chicken or a pig. I ate meat for 27 years, until I saw that dead pig in the hallway at my culinary school, which reminded me of a really weird job interview experience I went on not long after the car accident last summer.

It was at a farm sanctuary in the middle of nowhere. The environment was hostile to carnivores, and there were chickens, turkeys, goats (my personal favorite) and pigs there. The pigs didn't make me feel insanely and almost irrationally guilty like the goats did- but at that moment, the floppy carcass literally just inside the doorway to the street, made me realize something that I had never really thought about before.
I am very passionate about animals. I have held countless dogs and cats as they took their last breath, comforted owners as they faced tough decisions, and judged people for being selfish and thinking of what they needed first, no matter what the cost.
It hit me that for me to sit there, loving my animals at home, and to eat the flesh of another being for only my enjoyment... was selfish. I still ate meat for a few weeks after that, but it started to repulse me, now that I knew the source and that I might as well be chowing down on a cat. Pigs, cows, goats, turkeys- they have many similar mannerisms to companion animals, and they are treated far worse than most of us imagine. For me, this was enough. I digress.
Becoming a vegetarian- I get more and more strict by the day- for me was a huge eye opener. I then visited a nutritionist to make sure that I was not hurting myself- and learn how to eat optimally. When I walked out of that nutritionist's office, I knew that there was no other career for me. I've spent my whole life pursuing things I'd love as a hobby. This was to be my life.
So culinary school- no longer an option- and I face just five more weeks of my pastry program. I want to help shape lives by advising people how to eat. I had originally intended to go to culinary school- then nutrition school-, and this is really no longer an option. As a vegetarian, I feel better, inside and out. It's like something that was always there is fully realized, and it feels great. I have more energy too.
I wonder what then I do in the meantime. Will my husband be really pissed if I decide that I want to use my pastry education to run my own business out of our home, work as little as possible, travel, and pursue an education as a nutritionist? He probably will get quiet and get really stressed out. Living in Manhattan- a dream, closer to reality once I finish my education.
But I know he will understand. Things will all come together, I will work on my business and work at a bakery I love (yet to be found). I will take courses and become a nutritionist, and I will travel the world, camera in hand.